Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
