I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
