I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Randomize
