While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
