3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
