It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
