thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
