i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
God, I missed his penis.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
