a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
