I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
