Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
