apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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