Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
