so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
