Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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