I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
