There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
