So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
