its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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