I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
