So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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