WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
