When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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