put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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