Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
