Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
