I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
She bit a glass in half.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
