Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
