Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
