i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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