So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
