Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
