we should wear snuggies to the strip club
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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