i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
