He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
