You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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