He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
