that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
