I need help removing her.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
