Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
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