one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
