"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
