Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
