She said her name was "party"
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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