Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
