All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
