Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
