I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
