so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Just invented taco cereal.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
