We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
