things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
